Weddings are stressful for families, and they can sometimes cause different kinds of fights to start. A stepfather recently posted on social media about something that happened at his stepdaughter’s wedding, and internet users have different opinions about who is right.
Read what he said and decide for yourself who is right.
On August 3, my stepdaughter will get married. For the past six months, she and her mother have spent most of their time planning their wedding. I say “her mother” because we’re not married, even though we’ve lived together for 10 years.
Last December, my step-daughter graduated from college. Even though it was a state school, I paid $40K for her to go to college. She doesn’t have a job, so she has lived with us all through college and after she graduated. When she finished high school, I also bought her a car so she could get to and from school.
Her deadbeat father would show up in her life now and then, and she would be all over him. Even though he hasn’t paid anything toward her education or child support, which is my girlfriend’s fault because child support wasn’t part of the settlement, she still loves him and wants him in her life. He stays long enough to break her heart by leaving town and breaking a promise he made to her.
The venue for the wedding can hold up to 250 people. Since I was paying for everything, I gave them a list of 20 people I wanted to invite. They said that was fine and that they would take care of it. So I told these people they would get an invitation and should save the date. One of my friends on this list was at the golf course on Saturday, so I asked him if he was coming. He told me he hadn’t been asked. He told me that he got a notice, but not an invitation. He showed it to me from the back seat of his car, where it was sitting with probably six months’ worth of mail. Sure enough, it was just a notice, and my name wasn’t on it anywhere. It had the names of her dad and mom, but not mine.
This led to a pretty big fight with my girlfriend when I found out that NONE of the twenty people on my list were invited because “250 people is very tight.” I was angry, but there wasn’t much I could do because the people who mattered to me had already been hurt. My girlfriend said, “I might be able to get a couple more people in if some people don’t RSVP yes.” But I think that is the worst kind of slap in the face. So, on Saturday, I was really hot.
We had Sunday dinner with the future in-laws’ family and a surprise guest, the “Real Dad,” the day before. My stepdaughter told everyone at this small dinner that her “Real Dad” was going to be able to come to her wedding and give her away. People said, “Oh, how great!” and “How wonderful!” over and over again.
Weddings are stressful for families, and they can sometimes cause different kinds of fights to start. A stepfather recently posted on social media about something that happened at his stepdaughter’s wedding, and internet users have different opinions about who is right.
Read what he said and decide for yourself who is right.
On August 3, my stepdaughter will get married. For the past six months, she and her mother have spent most of their time planning their wedding. I say “her mother” because we’re not married, even though we’ve lived together for 10 years.
Last December, my step-daughter graduated from college. Even though it was a state school, I paid $40K for her to go to college. She doesn’t have a job, so she has lived with us all through college and after she graduated. When she finished high school, I also bought her a car so she could get to and from school.
Her deadbeat father would show up in her life now and then, and she would be all over him. Even though he hasn’t paid anything toward her education or child support, which is my girlfriend’s fault because child support wasn’t part of the settlement, she still loves him and wants him in her life. He stays long enough to break her heart by leaving town and breaking a promise he made to her.
The venue for the wedding can hold up to 250 people. Since I was paying for everything, I gave them a list of 20 people I wanted to invite. They said that was fine and that they would take care of it. So I told these people they would get an invitation and should save the date. One of my friends on this list was at the golf course on Saturday, so I asked him if he was coming. He told me he hadn’t been asked. He told me that he got a notice, but not an invitation. He showed it to me from the back seat of his car, where it was sitting with probably six months’ worth of mail. Sure enough, it was just a notice, and my name wasn’t on it anywhere. It had the names of her dad and mom, but not mine.
This led to a pretty big fight with my girlfriend when I found out that NONE of the twenty people on my list were invited because “250 people is very tight.” I was angry, but there wasn’t much I could do because the people who mattered to me had already been hurt. My girlfriend said, “I might be able to get a couple more people in if some people don’t RSVP yes.” But I think that is the worst kind of slap in the face. So, on Saturday, I was really hot.
We had Sunday dinner with the future in-laws’ family and a surprise guest, the “Real Dad,” the day before. My stepdaughter told everyone at this small dinner that her “Real Dad” was going to be able to come to her wedding and give her away. People said, “Oh, how great!” and “How wonderful!” over and over again.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt and angry at someone. I was shaking. I had to take a few seconds to calm down because I wasn’t sure if I was going to cry, start hitting people, or both. I got up from my chair and said, “I’d like to make a toast” once I knew I’d be able to talk. I don’t remember everything I said, but here’s the gist of it:
“I’d like to make a toast.” I can hear the sound of spoons hitting glasses. “I’ve really enjoyed being a part of this family for the past ten years.” Awe, how sweet. “At this point in my life, I feel like I owe bride and groom a debt of gratitude because they showed me something very important.” Smiles of confidence were exchanged. “They have shown me that my place in this family is not what I thought it was.” Now, people’s faces are starting to show signs of confusion and shock. “I used to think of myself as the patriarch or godfather of the family, with a lot of respect and people coming to me for help when they needed it. Now it seems like I’m just an ATM, good for getting money but not much else. Since I’m no longer the host, both on the invitations and at the ceremony, I’m giving Real Dad the money I was supposed to pay as the host. So cheers to the happy couple and the path they’ve chosen!” I was done with my drink. “You all can let yourselves out.”
Is this rude? I have to pay $40,000 to $50,000 for a wedding I can’t invite anyone to? That I am not a part of? I’m so done with this crap. I’m done with both my stepdaughter and my girlfriend. Last night, I moved the money out of our joint account. Since she moved in with me, she hasn’t had a job. This morning, I called all the vendors to whom I had written checks for deposits to get my money back. At present, it looks like I’ll lose around 1500, for the venue, but the other vendors have been great about refunding.
If you want your “REAL DAD” to be on the invitation, to give you away, and to sit at the head table, that’s fine. Your “REAL DAD” can also pay for everything.
June 9, 1:15 a.m. – Girlfriend and Bride are now moved out. They are moving in with the groom. It was hard not to be mean about some of the “things” they took with them, but it’s done now, the locks are changed, and it’s time for a cup of tea. I can’t believe how popular this story got, but I feel good to be given support by so many. I’ll let you know what happens with the wedding if I find out, but I can’t promise that I’ll try to find out. From what I’ve heard, they’re trying to “scale things back” and get his parents to help out. When I found out the next day that she had tried to write herself a check on our joint account, it was the last straw. By then I had already moved money, so I guess I’m a bigger ass than her, but I could feel it coming. That’s all. Thanks.”
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